Jesus Feeds the Hungry by Tony the Misfit on Flickr
It is easy to be a servant to others when in the process we feel superior or good about ourselves. When we feed, shelter and clothe the poor and homeless we generally get a feeling of self satisfaction. This is because such service is looked upon by our society as good and laudable. Even though such work is done for all the right reasons, still there is no denying that it strokes our ego to some degree. If we are honest with ourselves, it makes us feel good because we are not like “the poor” and they rely upon us. We have power over them and we show that power and control by serving them the food, shelter and clothing they cannot provide for themselves. If it weren’t for us, we subconciously think, they would have nothing. This makes us feel better about ourselves, or at least more fortunate.
But, if you really want to learn something about yourself, be a servant to someone who has more wealth, power or social standing than you. Or, try something even harder, be a servant to someone who is on an equal social footing with you. (Your spouse or other family member is a good person to try this with.) And, I don’t mean occasionally. Do everything they ask of you, whenever they ask. Give to whoever asks and do not hold back from him who wishes to borrow from you. Never turn them down. Yield your wants, plans and desires to them in everything. This is not looked upon with favor in our culture. Those who have, we are told, should do for themselves. We are also taught to never allow ourselves to be in subjection to another. As your days are eaten up in doing for such persons, see how long it takes you before you descend into anger, frustration and resentment at their requests and demands. This type of service is more revealing of our true nature than service to the poor because we seldom allow these feelings of resentment to arise when dealing with the poor. We expect our equals and our betters to take care of their own problems and needs while we often do not expect the same of the poor and homeless.
Caring for those less fortunate is a good and worthy service, and is in keeping with the commands of Christ. But, serving our equals or betters teaches us more. This is when we find out how sinful, depraved and self-centered we really are. All the talk about being a servant becomes nothing but empty words when you feel yourself growing angry with the constant demands, and becoming resentful at the imposition on your work or personal life. This is the moment of true revelation. Gone is the delusion that you are a true and worthy servant of Christ. The reality of your anger reveals the true you. You have not taken up the cross, you have not died to self, you do not place the needs of others before yourself, and there is no reason for you to feel righteous about all your good deeds. Until you can serve those who are your equals or your betters with a pure and cheerful heart, in all things and at all times, the service you offer to the poor is spiritually nothing more than your vanity patting you on the back and telling you how wonderful you are. You still want to place yourself before others, and that is not the way of Christ.
And when he was in the house He asked them,” What was it you disputed among yourselves on the road?” But they kept silent, for on the road they had disputed among themselves who would be the greatest. And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.” - The Gospel According to St. Mark 9: 33-35
Pax Vobis
I read this post this morning about the changes wrought in our lives when our “temples fall” on Fr. Michael Marsh’s blog “Interrupting the Silence”. It really spoke to me and I wanted to bring it to your attention. It is definitely worth a read.
Pax Vobis
The Temptation of Jesus in the Desert by William Hole
This week begins the Nativity Fast for the Eastern Orthodox world. This is the 40 day fast that precedes the celebration of the nativity of Christ, or Christmas as we commonly call it. During this time the devout refrain from eating any meat, dairy products, eggs or anything that is not grown from the earth. Wine and oil are also not allowed except on certain days. Fish is allowed on most days except for Wednesdays and Fridays when a strict fast is kept in commemoration of Judas’ agreeing to betray, and the crucifixion of, our Lord. Then, when you get down to the last two weeks before Christmas even fish is not eaten and it is a strict fast all the way through Christmas.
This fast comes at a most inopportune time for a modern American. It comes during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday season. Thanksgiving of course is the customary American commemoration of thankfulness to God. Born out of a heritage of faith sustaining pilgrims in a hostile and alien land, today it often seems to be more of a celebration of our nation’s great wealth, and worship of the sins of sloth, gluttony and over indulgence. I never see much in the way of true thankfulness during this time, but I often see lots of consumption of vast quantities of rich fattening foods. This of course is followed by the biggest shopping day of the year, the day after Thanksgiving, and a whole string of parties, celebrations and more rich foods of all types over the next month taking us all the way through Christmas. The holidays it seems are, more often than not, characterized by consumption, spending, and ostentation.
Now, enter into this equation something as radical to our culture as the nativity fast. “Take on poverty and the discipline of deprivation”, our spiritual guides and the Church seem to say. “For what purpose?” is our almost immediate question. This is where the proverbial rubber meets the road, which brings us to the real purpose of this post. There is no simple, formulaic answer to this question. Neither the Church nor any spiritual guide will give you one. For the purpose and lesson of fasting is not something that can be learned. It can only be experienced. Until you actually fast you will never learn the lesson it offers to teach you. In fact, the lesson it may teach you is not the same one it will teach me or anyone else. For we are all different and the things we need to learn from fasting are as unique as each one of us. Take a chance and venture into the desert, the place where God dwells. Deprive yourself of the richness of the season. Take on the holiday season in poverty, fasting and humility, and see how it makes you feel. More importantly listen to what it teaches.
I really am not very good at fasting. I can handle a short 24 or 48 hours of not eating anything. But going 40 days eating some things but not others, not the really good stuff, the stuff I really want, I have found this type of fasting considerably harder. For me this is the significance of the fast, especially when it is juxtaposed against the indulgence of our age. We are to fast not because the Church or our spiritual director tells us we should, or even because Christ fasted or instructed us to fast. We should fast in order to learn something about ourselves, our spiritual condition and our need for God. It is the hunger, the desire to have something we crave, the misery in self-deprivation, that teaches us and reminds us of how empty and hopeless we truly are. I find out in these times how helpless and weak I really am, and I witness the lying facade that I control my life collapse in a heap of rubble. I discover how little of my strength is truly mine, and how utterly I depend on something outside myself, like food, to sustain my frail existence. I cannot go more than a few days before my spirit and resolve yields to my hunger. This then reminds me of how utterly dependent I am on the grace of God for my spiritual life, health and salvation. I lean anew that while our physical hunger can be satiated by food, our spiritual hunger can only be filled by the living God, the source of all true strength.
One amazing thing I have learned from my incomplete, limited, and mostly failed attempts at fasting is how little food you actually need to not only survive, but to thrive. I do not need all the food my world offers me in order to live bountifully and remain strong and healthy. There is a spiritual lesson in this truth. God’s spirit is so powerful and sustaining it takes only a little of it for us to thrive and prosper. If only I would eat that little morsel of the bread of heaven, and fast from the feasting and over indulgence of this world, I would be a lot better off. Truly we do not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.
Pax Vobis
“For without doubt, faith without works is an illusion, and works without faith is idolatry.”
From A night in the desert of the Holy Mountain by Metropolitan Hierotheos
Just then a lawyer stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he said, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” He said to him, “What is written in the law? What do you read there?” He answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.” And he said to him,”You have given the right answer; do this, and you will live.” But wanting to justify himself, he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” - The Gospel According to St. Luke 10: 25-28.
The story of the good samaritan is very familiar. In fact, it is so familiar that the phrase “good samaritan” has taken on a secondary meaning and is associated with any person who does a good deed. When we say, “that person was a good samaritan” immediately everybody knows exactly what we mean. We have even applied it to our own law. “Good Samaritan” laws are those which grant a person who stops to render aid to an injured person immunity from legal liability if their negligence causes further injury. (This of course is a complete misnomer and the very antithesis of the gospel, but that is a topic for another day.)
The Good Samaritan by Vincent Van Gogh
The importance of this tale is not in the deed done by the Samaritan but a divine lesson in true love. Jesus does not answer the question directly. Instead he leaves it to us to learn who our neighbor is. But what precedes the love of neighbor in this story? What is it that preceded the love the Samaritan showed upon the injured victim on the side of the road? It is a proper love for oneself. As the lawyer correctly answered, we are to love our neighbor “as ourselves.” The truth is this, without love for oneself, one cannot love one’s neighbor for love of neighbor proceeds from this. After all, does not our whole desire for salvation flow out of our desire to save ourselves?
Yet, we must be cautious when speaking of love of self. This easily can descend into self-love, selfishness and self-absorbtion. As Fr. Hademenos said this morning, each of us of course desires good things for ourself, success, wealth, achievement, health and to be thought well of others. These things can easily lead us into great evil for they bring forth in us pride, envy, malice and injustice which we then inflict on those around us. But, love of self is not like this. It is not self-love. Love of self is the love that follows Christ’s commands for it knows that it is in following those commands that we obtain true health, success and salvation, both now and for eternity. It is when we are able to bless those who curse us, Fr. Jim noted, that we are finally loving ourselves. The love we give to ourselves must be the love that comes from Christ and is for Christ’s sake. All other love is not really love at all.
This is the love of self displayed by the Samaritan, that was notably absent in both the priest and the levite. They displayed the evil of self-love. Self-love is that characteristic that is more concerned with seeing that we are taken care of than with concern for others. Because they did not have the proper love of self, they possessed only the evil of self-love, and they were not able to love their neighbor. Self-love is really hatred of our own soul.
We too commonly fail to have or show true love of self. Instead, we only show our own self-love. As St. Paul noted, we long to do what is right, yet we always seem to end up doing what is wrong, what we know we should not do. Fr. Jim said it this way, “We sincerely desire to do good, but instead we do evil and in so doing we walk as the callous priest and levite.” But, the Samaritan shows us the way. He teaches us the divine lesson of love and from him we learn who is our neighbor. He is more concerned with the injured traveler, even though in ordinary life he would be despised and rejected by this same person, than with any risk or cost to himself. This is love of self. It is that love that loves oneself so much it is willing to risk and yield up everything to others because it knows that such is the only way to God.
PAX VOBIS
Having written on such an esoteric topic as God not really having existence, as we think of existence, I feel almost compelled to make a few comments on the importance of God’s incarnation. After all, the incarnation is the complete revelation of God which, at the same time, is wrapped up in mystery. The God who is present outside of existence took on existence and became flesh. These are the the two sides of the coin of God. God is transcendent and utterly other while at the same time God has clothed himself in humanity and has become immanent. This is the great mystery that causes the Orthodox to so venerate Mary as the Mother of God. God, the one who is outside time and existence, the one who the universe itself cannot contain, was contained in the womb of a poor palestinian girl. Truly blessed is she among women who was chosen for such a task.
But, in the end, it is not the how that is important. It is the why. “You must understand,” says St. Athanasius, “why it is that the Word of the Father, so great and so high, has been made manifest in bodily form. He has not assumed a body as proper to his own nature, far from it, for as the Word He is without body. He has been manifested in a human body for this reason only, out of the love and goodness of his Father, for the salvation of us. We will begin then, with the creation of the world, and with God its maker, for the first fact that you must grasp is is this: the renewal of creation has been wrought by the self-same Word who made it in the beginning. There is thus no inconsistency between creation and salvation; for the One Father has employed the same Agent for both works, effecting the salvation of the world through the same Word who made it in the beginning.”
Athanasius teaches that it is God alone that exists and that evil and our rejection of God is non-existence. Man is mortal because he was made from nothing. Man came into being out of non-existence and through our corruption will pass into non-existence again. Except, the presence and love of the Word that called us into being, by being united with humanity, redeems the world calling us back to the real existence of God. It is not hell, a place, we are being saved from it is our very non-existence. It is through this incarnation of God that we are saved from non-existence and taken from corruption to incorruption. As the psalmist says “You are gods, and all of you the sons of the Most High. But like men you die and like one of the rulers do you fall. Psalm 81(82): 6 This is the grace of God, says Athansius, “God had not only made them [humanity] out of nothing, but had also graciously bestowed on them His own life by the grace of the Word.”
And so, all I can say is “Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit now and ever and unto the ages of ages.”
Pax Vobis
I was listening to an interesting podcast by Fr. Thomas Hopko yesterday. In it he made reference to the fact that God not only cannot be known by us, God also does not have existence as we understand existence. Just as God is outside of time, God also is outside of existence. If this is true, as I suspect it is, it means that the very elemental question people of faith debate with atheists and agnostics, “Does God exist?” is in fact the wrong, even an irrelevant, question. The question we should ask is how does God move in and around us if he has no existence in him?
The way of trying to understand the divine is completely different if we are stuck in simple dualistic thinking. If we insist there are only two possibilities, then either God exists or God does not exist. There is no other answer. But, when we move beyond simple formulas and sunday school answers the truth of God and his work in our world is revealed in its truth. God has no existence, but God does have presence. And, that presence is more powerful and real than any existence we have heretofore experienced. In this way God neither exists but (get ready for the double negative), nor does he not exist. God’s presence transcends and overpowers even the very question or meaning of existence.
I do not know what the implications of this truth are. In fact it makes my mind dizzy just thinking about it. Everything I know has existence. I only relate to things that exist. I do not relate to things that do not exist. But, paradoxically, when I free myself from thinking about God as a being that exists, or does not exist, my mind at last is set free to begin to comprehend God as he is, not as I imagine him to be.
Perhaps then relationship with God is something completely other. To have existence something must have once not been, but now be. And of course, a condition of existence is that eventually it will not be again. Science teaches us that our universe exists. It once was not, it came into being and it eventually will be no more. But, God, the creator of all that exists, does not exist. The “I am” is present outside of existence, time, space and all that we experience, know and understand. Yet in all this one comfort remains, the God that has no existence remains present with us at all times and will bring us unto himself even when this life passes once again into that place of non-existence. It is this presence, that transcends existence, which brings the peace that passes all understanding.
Pax Vobis
I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me. Just as the Father knows me and I know the Father. And I lay down my life for the sheep. I have other sheep that do not belong to this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd. - The Gospel According to John 10: 14-16
An Old Man and his Sheep by Kris Haamer
For many years I struggled with the exclusiveness of christianity versus a theology of universalism. There were many aspects of both that made sense and seemed right. But, I could never decide on one as opposed to the other. This verse from the gospel reading this morning seems to bring them both together. Jesus does not seem to choose one over the other, but to embrace both in some mystical way. He is the good shepherd, the sheep know him and are part of his flock. And yet, “I have other sheep,” Jesus says, “that do not belong to this fold.” They are not goats, or horses or pigs or something unlike those of us who are in the fold. They are sheep, they are exactly the same as we are. In fact, they are already Christ’s, they are his sheep, they already belong to him. It is not that Christ, or we on his behalf, have to go buy them or steal them or do something to make them Christ’s property, they are already his. He will “bring them also” and they will listen to him. This is not necessarily any sort of evangelical conversion to the “true faith”. Rather, in a mystical sense, it is just a simple, spiritual fact. Jesus has sheep that are not a part of “this fold” but who know him, hear his voice, and because they listen are made part of the one flock of Christ.
In the end, I neither understand how God works nor how those in the “other fold” are brought into Christ’s fold. (It is important to note that it is not “our fold” it is Christ’s fold.) In reality, I do not even know what the “fold” is. Who is to say that it is not I who is in that “other fold” that Christ will bring in? My task is only to pray, seek God’s face and love my neighbor. That is all I am responsible for.
Pax Vobis
Over the last several years I have come to the conclusion that the only way to union with God is through the path of inner stillness. The only problem seems to be in discovering and placing ourselves within a life of inner stillness. This is what sometimes seems so attractive about the monastic life. Its pattern and way of life seems designed to try to put one in that place of inner stillness by imposing an outward stillness all around you. I am just a beginner in seeking this path. I do not know what inner stillness looks or feels like. But, in becoming aware of this path, I have at least begun to learn what the life of inner stillness is not. On this thought, I offer the following reflections.
It is not being fixated on the latest in pop culture and having a constant attention and concern with politics and current events.
It is not being obsessed with our work (that which gives us our living) and in the outcome of our work.
It is not being concerned with wealth, possessions or the lack of them.
It is not seeking entertainment, adventure or excitement to rescue us from boredom.
It is not discovering or being fixated on a new interest or hobby.
It is not volunteerism or charitable work.
It is not activity of any type.
It is not seeking, or relishing the praise or good opinions of others.
It is not satisfying myself, my interests or my wants or desires.
Desert Moon Rising by Josh Sommers
All of these things lead to the opposite of inner stillness. They lead to distraction upon distraction upon distraction. They cause us to become fixated on ourselves, our interests and our activities. They are the things we must flee from. The desert of the spirit is the only place we can do this. It is only in fleeing from these, in avoiding them as much as possible, that inner stillness becomes possible. Inner stillness can only take place when we make ourselves ready for it. When we are absorbed and distracted by all our outward activities and worries we are not ready for this path. To make ourselves ready for inner stillness we must bring to our lives some measure of outer stillness as well. Then at last we may be ready for the journey.
Pax Vobis
